TOTALLY DRAMATIC FAIRY TALES REMAKE
by NoahFan4Ever
Summary: A TOTALLY AWESOME AND DRAMATIC REMAKE OF THE CLASSIC GRIMM FAIRY TALES AND OTHER CLASSICALLY STORIES! DIRECTED BY CHRIS McLEAN AND CHEF HATCHET


**Hey everyone! I know I should be working on my other stories or something but I just had this really random idea so yeah, here it is! It's supposed to be a one-shot but since some people asked and if/ when I get more inspiration, I might add some more chapters or something.**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own TD or any of the Grimm Fairy Tales and whatever. ****Tom McGillis and Jennifer Pertsch own TD. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the Grimm Brothers own the Grimm Fairy Tales.**

**Warning: Umm… watch out for the random utter weirdness. It's mostly family-friendly though I guess.**

**And… we begin!**

_Stupid snow. Stupid teacher. Stupid school. Stupid play._ Noah thought angrily, as he shuffled through the wet, slushy snow towards the school. His stupid, self-centered, sadist teacher, Mr. McLean was in charge of the school play this year, and of course he just had to force his students to either help out/ be in the play, which Noah steadfastly refused to do, or watch it. Any student who did neither would automatically fail his class, which was why Noah found himself trudging through soggy snow in the dark, freezing his ass off, and holding a crumpled flyer that read:

**WAWANAKA HIGH SCHOOL PRESENTS:**

**TOTALLY DRAMATIC FAIRY TALES (AND OTHER STORIES)**

**A TOTALLY AWESOME AND DRAMATIC REMAKE OF THE CLASSIC GRIMM FAIRY TALES AND OTHER CLASSICALLY STORIES!**

**DIRECTED BY CHRIS McLEAN AND CHEF HATCHET**

**TIME: 8:00-10:30**

**DATE: JANUARY 10th, 11th, 12th, 17th, 18th, and 19****th**

**TICKETS COST $10**

He shoved the flyer in his jacket pocket, grumbling, as he continued on his way towards the school.

…

(Ten Minutes Later)

…

He yanked opened the heavy double doors of the school. Heading over to the ticket stand, where his classmates Bridgette and Geoff are suppose to be running, he pulled out a wad of slightly damp cash, counting ten dollars before pocketing the rest. He stood in front of the couple, who were practically on each other's laps, kissing, and oblivious to rest of the world. After about a minute of standing there, he sighed.

"Are you done yet? I need to buy a ticket," Noah said in his usual monotone voice.

Blushing and out of breath, the two nodded. "…that'll… be… ten… dollars… dude."

"Here," Noah said, as he placed the ten dollars on the table. "Can I have my ticket now?"

"Yeah…" they handed him a ticket and a pamphlet after depositing the ten bucks into the bin where they stored the ticket money.

"Thaaannks," Noah droned, before walking off, "Great job running the stand by the way."

But the pair was already at it again, and did not hear him, too caught up in their own little world of slobbery bliss.

…

(Five Minutes Later)

…

He leafed through the pamphlet, skimming through the parts of the play. Sadly, it consisted of several different fairy tales and parts. _Well,_ he sighed dejectedly, _this can't be _that_ bad,_ _I mean, they been practicing for months!_

…

(Twenty Minutes Later)

…

Finally, the show was about to begin. Noah leaned back in his seat, glad that the show was at least starting.

The booming voice of Mr. McLean cut into his thought. "… And now, let the show begin!"

…

(The Play Begins (this part will be written like a script))

…

**Scene 1:**

Narrator aka Harold: *Stands in front of curtains* Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! I, sir Harold the Narrator, will tell you that we'll begin with the classical story of Hansel and Gretel…

*Curtains open revealing nighttime background of a lush forest with a small cottage. Zooms into the cottage, where a woodcutter and his wife and sitting at a basic wooden table, talking*

Stepmother aka Sierra: *Bubbly and happy* Oh Cody-kins, my hubby-wubby! It's a time of great famine and we should abandon our children in the forest while you head out to chop wood because they hog up all your time! Oh, and because they eat too much.

Father aka Cody: Umm… Sierra? I don't think that's a good idea… we can't just leave them out in the woods! They'll starve…

Sierra: *Upset* But, but Cody-kins! If we leave them, we can have time alone together…

Cody: *mumbling* I think I have enough time alone with you… *blushes and quickly starts talking again, louder* I mean, the children will starve out there!

Sierra: *Thoughtful* The kids can find a better home though… one with more food and who pays more attention to them

Cody: But…

Sierra: *Angry* Just do it! Or else! *Back to happy and bubbly* So, we'll do this tomorrow?

Cody: *Afraid and slowly backing away* S-sure… Let's go… *Cody grabs Sierra's arm and drags her off stage while she squeals over Cody willingly touching her*

Harold: However, unknown to the poor woodcutter and his wife, their two children have overheard their wicked schemes. The two children decided that they must devise a plan in order to secure a way home again.

Hansel aka Owen: *hysterical* Holy Mother of Pearl! They're going to leave us alone in the forest! We're going to die! Noooo! I don't want to die! I still want to eat food and sleep and_

Gretel aka Staci: *Talking at the same time as Owen* Did you know that my great-great uncle invented leaving people behind? Before he did, people used to just_

Harold: *hisses* Stick to the script! Owen, you're supposed to have a plan! Gosh!

Staci: *continue talking, ignores Narrator*

Owen: *brightens* Oh yeah, I have a plan Staci_ I mean Gretel! We should… *looks confused* umm… what am I suppose to do again?

Harold: *rolls eyes* Go outside and collect pebbles so you can drop them and leave a trail to follow when they lead you in the forest so you know how to get back! Idiots!

Owen: *still slightly confused, but happy* …Yeah, what he said. *stands there awkwardly for a few minutes*

Harold: *slaps head* Now you have to go outside and collect pebbles! Gosh! Do I need to tell you everything?

Owen: *awkwardly laughs* Uhh… maybe? *Goes outside and collects pebbles. Puts the pebbles in his pants and goes back into the house and pretends to sleep*

Harold: So, with their plan in motion, the two children head off to sleep. *Scenery changes into morning* The next morning, the woodcutter and his wife take Hansel and Gretel to the woods.

Cody: Umm… sooo c-children… we're going to take you to into the forest while we chop wood. So… let's go. *Everyone walks into woods*

Harold: While they walked, Hansel secretly drops the pebbles he collected on the ground, ensuring that they will be able to find their way home again.

Owen: Yeah, I'm secretly dropping the pebbles I collected. *drops pebbles*

Harold: *annoyed* Idiot! You're not suppose to say that!

Owen: Oh. Oops, heh heh.

Harold: Anyway, after their parents leave, Hansel and Gretel fall asleep. They wake up in the middle of the night and find their way home thanks to the pebble trail Hansel made. *curtains close* When they get home, their father is overjoyed but their stepmother is furious. She locks the children in their room so they can not go out and collect more pebbles.

Staci: *just her voice in the background* Did you know that my great-great-great-great-great grandmother invented locks? Before that, everyone had to stand in front of the door to keep it closed.

Owen: *also just his voice* Nooooo! We're locked in! We can't get out! The walls… are… closing… in…

Harold: *whispers angrily* Owen! It's just a play you idiot! Gosh! *back to normal voice* Anyway, the two children are unable to get pebbles, so the next day, when their parents take them back into the forest, Hansel doesn't eat his bread_

Owen: _but I love bread!_

Harold: *ignores him* _ and instead leaves a trail of breadcrumbs so they can find their way home. Sadly, the birds have eaten their breadcrumb trail and Hansel and Gretel are unable to find their way home. They are stuck in the middle of the forest and end up sleeping on the forest floor. The next morning, they wake up in the forest and are very hungry. *curtains open*

Owen: *whines* I'm hungry… *sniff sniff* wait… I smell food!

Harold: So, Hansel and Gretel followed their noses to a house completely made of candy.

Owen: WHOOOOO! CANDY! *om nom nom*

*part of the candy house breaks*

Staci: Did you know that my great-great-great-great grandmother invented candy houses? Before that, people… *continues talking but no one is listening or cares anyway*

Witch aka Gwen: *angry* Who is eating my house?!

Owen: heh heh… umm… no one? *hides a piece of candy behind his back*

Gwen: So you're eating my house! Well, as punishment, I'm going to lock you up and eat you when you are fat enough! The girl will be my servant.

Owen: *hysterical* Noooo! I don't want to be eaten! Take Harold! *pushes Harold in front of him*

Gwen: *whispering* Calm down Owen! It's just a play, remember?

Owen: oh… sorry Harold… heh heh…

Harold: *glares at Owen* Anyway, the witch locks up Hansel and feeds him until he was fat enough to eat but and forces Gretel to work as a slave. However, since the witch is blind, she is unable to tell if Hansel is getting plump enough to eat. So, each day, the witch tells Hansel to stick out his finger so she can see if he is plump enough. Clever Hansel, tricks the witch by sticking out a chicken bone instead. However, after weeks of this, the witch is finally fed up and planned to eat Hansel whether he be fat or lean.

Gwen: I don't care how fat he is, I'm going to eat him today no matter what!

Owen: NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN! HELP ME! *bursts through the cardboard "cage" and runs off stage, screaming*

Gwen: …ummm…

Harold: …uhh…

Staci: Did you know that my great-great-great aunt invented help? Before that people just_

Gwen: *interrupts* UGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! *climbs into the "oven" and slams the door shut before opening it again and sticking her head out* NO ONE BOTHER ME! OR ELSE! *slams the door again*

*curtains close*

Harold: *steps out from behind the curtains* Umm… due to technical difficulties, the show will be on hold for now. So yeah… just wait a moment please. *steps back behind the curtain*

…

(Back to Noah)

…

Noah stared at the closed curtain in disbelief.

"What the heck did I just watch?"

**I'm not sure if that was funny or not. Some people seem to think so, so thanks! I'll add another chapter or two if I ever get inspiration but I think this still works well as a one-shot! Anyway, please review and tell me if you enjoyed it or not! Thanks in advance! :)**


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